It’s happened to everyone at some point while playing FFXIV. You’re concentrating on your rotations, doing your best to stay alive in a trial, when it happens: you see a red dragon line running between you and the party’s Dragoon. You’ve been chosen. You feel your heart start to flutter, your hands start to sweat, as you think to yourself: what are we? You try your best to make the most of the Dragon Sight buff, to prove that the Dragoon chose well— and, inevitably, when the time runs out and the tether fades, you can’t help but feel a little disappointed.
It’s obvious to anyone who plays this game. Single-target buffs aren’t just buffs— they’re a statement, a gesture. Here’s every job’s single-target buff ability, ranked by the sexual tension it generates between the user and recipient.
10 Most DPS Jobs (0/10)
First off, let’s get the jobs who don’t have a single party buff out of the way. This list includes Monk, Samurai, Ninja, Summoner, Red Mage, Black Mage, Bard, and Machinist. Indeed, it might have been shorter to name the jobs that do have single-target buffs— a good majority of the DPS classes simply don’t have abilities that don’t revolve around doing the most damage possible. Yes, the ranged and caster DPS jobs have a party-wide buff that they can pull out to help the healer, but that’s party-wide— it doesn’t generate any tension when you’re simply pulling your weight to help the team.
9 White Mage: Divine Benison (1/10)
This ability grants a shield of 500 potency to a single target, which… well, technically, is a single-target buff. It ranks so low on our list because it doesn’t come off as a particularly flirty gesture when it’s simply a part of the White Mage’s job as a healer. And honestly, with Astrologian and Scholar having similar single-target shields as a simple part of their healing kit, it’s just not very notable. Sorry, WHM. Your Holy fireworks are pretty, though.
8 Scholar: Aetherpact (2/10)
This ability tethers the Scholar’s faerie to the selected party member, focusing the faerie’s auto-heals to that one target. While it looks and sounds pretty flirtatious, like most other healer abilities, it ranks low on the list because of the sheer dismissive energy it carries. When a Scholar gives you Aetherpact, it’s not because they like you. Aetherpact is an unspoken admonishment towards a party member who just keeps taking unnecessary damage. Aetherpact is the tired professor forwarding you their TA’s office hours with a murderous glint in their eyes because they’re done listening to you argue that your mark should be higher. Aetherpact means “I can’t be bothered with you right now,” and “I hate your guts.”
7 Gunbreaker: Heart Of Stone (3.5/10)
Another ability that ranks low purely because it’s just part of the job. The Gunbreaker, as a tank, is obligated to protect party members— this, coupled with the fact that the Heart of Stone shield only lasts a few seconds, means it’s not a very flattering gesture. We will admit that the image of a Gunbreaker stylishly flourishing their gunblade to shoot a shield towards you with a wink is pretty cool, but there’s just no commitment to it. It’s the MMO equivalent of the job-mandated come-on you get from a LUSH employee that you shrug off before continuing with your day.
6 Astrologian: Tarot Cards (6.5/10)
And yes, we’re talking about their entire toolset of cards. It might seem counterintuitive to assign sexual tension to this simply because it’s the Astrologian’s core toolset, but hear us out: when you’re in a dungeon with an Astrologian, you will find yourself subtly competing with the other party members to get more card buffs from them. Especially if you’ve got two DPS players of the same category. Will the AST give their ranged cards to the Bard or the Red Mage? Will they give their melee cards to the tank or the Samurai? Who’s doing better right now? Who’s more worthy of it?
Before long, you’ll find yourself competing for the Astrologian’s attention like sweaty high schoolers trying to impress the head cheerleader.
5 Dark Knight: The Blackest Night (7.5/10)
Similar to Heart of Stone, The Blackest Night erects a shield around the targeted player equal to 25% of their maximum health— which, by the game’s standards, is a pretty hefty shield. Though it only lasts 7 seconds like HoS, it ranks higher on our list because, let’s face it, Dark Knights are just sexier. The Gunbreaker’s shield might be dashing, but there’s really nothing like seeing a slightly deranged-looking tank turn around and shield you with the power of darkness, which is in turn actually the physical manifestation of radical self-love and compassion.
4 Paladin: Cover (8/10)
Now this is the most traditional of single-target buffs: Cover tethers you to the Paladin and transfers all the damage you take to them. It ranks high on this list due to the duration of the buff, the visual animation of the tether itself, and just how old-fashioned it is. As the gameplay translation of the gallant knight shielding you from harm, it’s the missionary position of defensive RPG actions: loving and attentive, but not very titillating.
3 Warrior: Nascent Flash (8.5/10)
If you thought The Darkest Night was a little kinky, you’re not ready for Nascent Flash: this little ability translates the damage done by the Warrior directly into damage restored to the recipient. Yes, a tank shielding you from damage is very sweet, but watching a warrior brutalize mobs for you is on another level entirely. Their axe swings, blood splatters, and your heart skips a beat.
2 Dragoon: Dragon Sight (9/10)
This ability is the prime example of these kinds of abilities for a reason. The bright red scale tether is unmissable— and best of all, the tether visual stays for the entire duration of the buff. At its core, yes, it’s a simple damage boost that should be used on the next most powerful dps. But no one can deny the inherent intimacy of being handcuffed to your fellow dps as you fight side by side, savouring the duration of the buff.
1 Dancer: Closed Position (11/10)
In theory, Closed Position is simply the Dancer’s core buff mechanic of sharing their constant damage buff with a party member. In practice? This is the king of single-target buffs. It is a permanent buff that only lifts when the Dancer breaks off the position. The damage boost is near-constant, as the cooldown for the DNC’s dance is shorter than its duration. Closed Position is a commitment you should be grateful to earn; just the concept in and of itself tops the chart in terms of romantic energy.
If a Dancer dance partners you, that’s it. You’re married. Your heart belongs to the Dancer now. And if you have the audacity to give your job’s single-target buff to anyone else, just know that you’re basically a cheater.
(Looking at you, Dragoons who give their Dragon Sight to the Samurai, of all people.)
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